Hey guys, remember Jedi Apprentice? The Jedi Order almost dooms everybody by sending Obi-Wan off to be a farmer because no one will adopt him.
Hey guys, did you know that Mass Effect came out seven years ago?
FANFIC PROMPT TURNAROUND
I’ve decided I’m going to do a fic fest tomorrow once I’m home, but today I have the end of conference and a lot of travel and I am a bit walking wounded right now so I am offering a TURNAROUND FEST to give me reading material in the airport.
If you see this, comment or reblog with a tiny short fanfic in the fandom, ship, and/or trope of your choosing. Doodles also welcome.
CREATIVITY! *jazz hands*
So I’ve been playing Mass Effect a lot recently.
A Lesson In Tactical Footwear
Commander Shepard looked Miranda up and down outside Cerberus’ attempt to copy his old frigate, ignoring her canned speech about the Illusive Man and his goals and instead focused on what she was wearing. As long as he’d known her, all of five hours, she had been wearing a slinky white catsuit with black gloves that went to the shoulders and black boots that went to the knee. Heeled boots. That she’d worn in Lazarus Station, that she’d worn to Freedom’s Progress, that she’d worn in a combat zone.
She and Jacob were looking at him expectantly now. It was cute how they thought he’d listened to a word she’d said.
“If we’re going to work together, you need to lose the heels. I don’t care what Cerberus lets you do, but this is my mission and I say no heels.” He looked over her form-fitted bodyglove again. “And get a hardsuit.”
Miranda’s face colored instantly. “I’ll have you know, Commander, what I am wearing is just as-” But she didn’t get the opportunity to tell Shepard what her outfit was ‘just as’ because, quick as lightning despite spending two years dead, he’d whipped out a foot to catch the space between her heel and the rest of her shoe and yanked.
It was a move that wouldn’t have worked on a normal soldier, but Miranda Lawson’s insistence on changing her natural balance ensured that she lost her footing instantly as she waved her arms about. With one quick shove, she was on the ground. Shepard stood impassively as Miranda sat up and glared daggers at him, ignoring Jacob’s half-outraged, half-amused snort as well.
“Hardsuit. With proper boots,” he reminded her before turning on his heel and approaching the airlock of the Normandy SR-2 to meet his new crew.
Times two combo, why the hell not!
It was two weeks of constant arguments later when Miranda provided what she believed to be iron-clad proof that her catsuit was superior to whatever the Commander would try to foist on her. To that effect, she’d summoned Shepard to the hangar and barely batted an eye when he’d chosen to come in his N7 armor, Garrus in tow.
“So glad you could join us, Commander,” Miranda said pleasantly, choosing to ignore the apathetic expressions on the soldiers’ faces as they lounged on the wall by the elevator. “Since we’ve been having so many disagreements about equipment, I’ve decided to give you proof for my argument. And since you’re so fond of physical demonstrations, I’ve set one up for you.” She gestured to the transformed hangar behind them.
The layout for the new obstacle course alone had taken her a whole hour to think of, practically an eternity to a genius like her, and it had taken five for the crew to set up, a period not helped when she’d had to keep correcting them on details (really, she’d have to have a talk with the Illusive Man about his hiring practices after this). In the end, the obstacle course had tripwires, both physical and laser beam, at varying heights, automated shifting obstructions and protrusions, a tightrope, a live-fire turret gauntlet, and an encounter with Jacob just before the finish line. Each and every item had been specially selected to underline the capabilities of her suit, to show Shepard not just how wrong he was, but how lithe and sensuous she was in it, as per the Illusive Man’s orders.
“The outfit that you’re so critical of is my own design. It has two layers of microfiber armor, two layers of gel padding, a layer of moisture-wicking material, and more nanofiber strength-enhancers than you’ve had MREs. Add in the discrete shield generator and I have created something on par with a military-grade hardsuit with the flexibility of civilian wear.”
Miranda demonstrated by lifting one leg until her ankle was level with her ear.
“It’s state of the art, really,” she said with a little smile. And with that, she took off running for the obstacle course.
Miranda had studied parkour once, and had found it lacking. Her movement through the tripwires was graceful, dodging, ducking, rolling, even running along the wall at one point, just to show off. The changing course of the next section was completely random thanks to a program she’d written on the fly during construction, but she put her post-parkour movement skills through their paces, dodging swinging beams coming in at head height and using shifting floors as a boost over higher obstructions. The tightrope was practically a joke strutted across. Even the turrets didn’t faze her as she ran, her kinetic barriers flickering and rippling like flowing water in the sun, each bullet stopping or deflecting harmlessly upon them. Finally, her fight with Jacob lasted all of ten seconds when she used her suit’s superior strength to throw him over her hip.
The flip over the finish line was a little too over the top, though.
She turned to Shepard and Garrus expectantly, a smug look on her face.
Which disappeared when she saw their bored expressions. And turned to anger when the Commander clapped three times sarcastically.
“Impressive,” Garrus said, his tone saying anything but. “Is it my turn yet, or do you want to go first Shepard?”
Shepard smiled, remembering what he’d learned about Turian military training. “I got this. You can go next.” Garrus grunted affirmative as the Commander straightened and stretched before he too ran for the obstacle course.
If Miranda had been graceful, Shepard was poetry in motion. He passed through the tripwires in a continuous handspring, subjecting them to nothing but a buffet of air as he passed. The more involved portion of the obstacle course didn’t even slow him down, if anything he sped up. His strategy was simply to stay at least three feet above the deck at all times as he ran across shifting beams, columns, and oscillating crates, never once stumbling,which allowed him to simply leap over the tightrope. And when he came to the turrets, it was almost comical as he cartwheeled past them with not a flicker from his shields. Even more comical was the way Shepard’s foot caught Jacob in the chin, flooring him again, as he cartwheeled past. Then he flipped twice in the air before landing at the finish line in a handstand.
One upside down eyebrow rose as he looked at Miranda’s stunned expression. “The best genetic engineering and armor money could buy, huh? You’ve got nothing on the N7 training course.” He walked towards the elevator, still inverted and hit the up button with his foot.
“I want you fitted for a hardsuit by tomorrow,” he called as the doors closed behind him. Miranda didn’t stop staring after him, even when Garrus pushed off the wall and ran the obstacle course with a whoop.
“Operative Lawson,” EDI stated over the hangar intercom , “Commander Shepard is causing a quantity of commotion among the crew. He is insists on making his social routine walking on his hands.” Miranda pinched the bridge of her nose.
“It’s not as bad as it could have been,” Garrus said, coming up beside her, having felled Jacob with a single punch. “I’d have done it blindfolded.”
whenever I say YOOOOOOO this is exactly what I’m imagining
This is the exact YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I use
I can’t decide if I think that’s from Okami or Pokemon Stadium
That is the opening of the Steel Samurai theme in Phoenix Wright, you savage.
Specifically this version:
Hey guys, remember when Leia kicked a guy in the balls?
Hey, remember Where In Time Is Carmen Sandiego?
My copy had a bug that crashed the game during the Columbus level, so I’ve never finished this game.
made this a while ago, not sure if showed to u.
Yes, yes you did. Some years ago,in fact, as the dated meme can attest.
For those of you who don’t know, LMFAO used to be a thing who made some stuff that got popular for five minutes. This particular joke is for my first RP character ever; a paladin (obviously). It’s been too long since I had a real sit-down game and I miss it, even with “Hollywood“‘s shenanigans.